Dear Smash Brothers Brawl:
Hey whats up? It’s been real cool having you staying at my house the past couple of weeks. I can’t believe we hung out for like, six hours on Saturday. It was nuts.
I hope you don’t get creeped out by me wanting to spend so much time with you recently. I know I just met you not to long ago but, well, I feel like we have something special together. I mean, I think about you when I’m at work and can’t wait to get home to see you. Like last night, when my buddies and I were all taking turns playing with you and you didn’t seem to mind… It was really cool. You even let us do some stuff to you I didn’t know you could do before.
I think that’s why I like you so much Smash Brothers Brawl. You’re so versitile. I can be with you for hours and it’s never the same thing. It’s like you know EXACTLY what I want. You’ve made my Wii VERY happy.
Published by Matt Gondek January 14th, 2008
in culture and Nintendo.
Two weeks ago when one little scratch off lottery ticket netted me $48,000, I knew things were about to get awesome.
I filled my bedroom with a couple things I’ve always wanted… tennis shoes that know spanish, a bed that you can go to the bathroom in, a guard horse for my closet, and a foosball table that uses real midgets. There was only one more thing I wanted to buy, and it was by far the hardest one to find. So hard in fact, that I’ve still yet to find one to purchase.
A Nintendo Wii.
I’ve been to mall after mall… video game stores… shoneys.. but still come up empty handed. After this weekend, with a delicious orange julius in hand, and at the peak of frustration, I asked a Gamestop employee what the fug was up this Wii drout.
She told me, in her most 35 year old I work at a video game store and have never seen a real penis voice, that the Wii is absolutely completely sold out and there won’t be ANY in AMERICA until February. She actually seemed disgusted at me I’d even bring it up and that I should have already known that. Everyone around me at the counter just stared in disbelief that I even said the word “Wii”. It was like accidently calling your grandma the C word at Thanksgiving.
I can’t believe Nintendo is sitting in their tower hoarding these things. Every day, I have to turn on the TV and watch those two little men tease me on the Wii commercials. Familys and friends playing game after game of bowling, boxing, and Metroid. When will it be my turn??
Dr. Mario is about to be working overtime. It seems like more and more people are going to the doctors with cases of “wow I moved for the first time in months and now I’m sore”… I mean “Wiitis”.
Now that Nintendo’s new game system , the Wii, actually requires you to move your body to play the games, thousands of lazy kids across the country are pulling muscles or cramping up from hours of trying to save the princess.
Doesn’t anyone remember the Nintendo power glove, or the running mat? Do you remember anyone crying about using them? Kids today are too soft! If I even invent a video game system, it will involve headbutting a giant metal gong to push the jump button, and you will have to pull a lever that punches you in the face if you want to beat the level.
