Dear Fat Girl Standing beside me at the Day to Remember show.
Hello there. It’s been awhile hasn’t it? It was very nice standing beside you at the show a few weeks ago. Thank you so much for singing every effing word of every damn song as loud as you could and off key. I am sitting here torn miss… you see, I can’t decide which I enjoyed more. You’re miserable attempt of trying to sing the screaming parts in between bites of your cheddar cheese pretzel, or your giant flabby sweat soaked arm pressing against my side. It shows real character to keep singing, even though every single person near us was glaring at you.
I don’t know what I’d do without people like you at shows. I mean, sure I went to see the band perform, but hearing you instead was totally better. I have been contimplating fronting the money for alittle studio time for you. That way I could get you in there to sing overtop the vocals so I could enjoy it again and again. If only there was a way to make the disc smell like cheddar cheese and cigarettes. Do you have any suggestions?
In closing, it was my pleasure to spend 40 minutes standing beside you. I hope I can meet you again sometime so that you can ruin another experience for me.
Love,
Matthew Ryan Gondek
Published by KP December 19th, 2007
in Fun, Hillbillies, Redneck, celebrities and gossip.
Last night on MSN Entertainment, I read that Britney Spears’ little sister Jamie Lynn Spears, 16, is preggers!!! WOW, can someone say red neck family?! I hope its baby-daddy isn’t K-Fed’s little brother…Although that would be hilarious, it would be completely pathetic! The only thing that would be better than that would be if K-Fed himself was the baby-daddy! YES! I’m praying it is! The true father of the baby has yet to be released.
On top of all this, their mom, Lynn Spears, is writing a parenting book…I have compiled a couple names for the book, maybe Lynn will be able to use one:
1. Pregnant? The younger the better!
2. Seemingly good career boosters that flop: babies
3. How to be a completely worthless parent
4. How to raise your child’s baby
5. Babies: everything not to do (Brit-Brit can give testimony)
6. How to completely fuck up your child
Seriously, could this family be any more pathetic? Merry Christmas Jamie Lynn, I guess santa came a lil early for you this year!
Allegedly, Jamile Lynn is three months pregnant and plans to keep the child and raise it in Louisiana.
I recently overheard a conversation between two redneck country looking girls, and one of them was trying to explain to the other how her new I-Pod worked that she bought off her aunt. Apparently she just got it yesterday, and still couldn’t quite figure out how to get her aunt’s music off of it, let alone put hers on. She knew that she needed “some wire” to connect it to her mom’s computer, but she didn’t know how to do it. Getting her CD’s onto the computer was another problem she mentioned. Also, she couldn’t figure out how to get the batteries out, because they looked like it was running low on the screen and she needed to buy some new ones.
How in the hell can it be 2007, and someone in their early 20’s completely not understand how to work a damn I-Pod? I gotta admit though, I did get a kick out of listening to their conversation. Probably the same feeling someone educated gets listening to me talk about ANYTHING. Haha, oh well.
