Dear Fat Girl Standing beside me at the Day to Remember show.
Hello there. It’s been awhile hasn’t it? It was very nice standing beside you at the show a few weeks ago. Thank you so much for singing every effing word of every damn song as loud as you could and off key. I am sitting here torn miss… you see, I can’t decide which I enjoyed more. You’re miserable attempt of trying to sing the screaming parts in between bites of your cheddar cheese pretzel, or your giant flabby sweat soaked arm pressing against my side. It shows real character to keep singing, even though every single person near us was glaring at you.
I don’t know what I’d do without people like you at shows. I mean, sure I went to see the band perform, but hearing you instead was totally better. I have been contimplating fronting the money for alittle studio time for you. That way I could get you in there to sing overtop the vocals so I could enjoy it again and again. If only there was a way to make the disc smell like cheddar cheese and cigarettes. Do you have any suggestions?
In closing, it was my pleasure to spend 40 minutes standing beside you. I hope I can meet you again sometime so that you can ruin another experience for me.
Love,
Matthew Ryan Gondek
