There are alot of new albums coming out next year, but only one you’ll need to care about. The band Doughnuts in November will be releasing their MUCH anticipated record here on American soil early next year. Up to this point, all their releases have only been available in their native land of Mexico. That all changed last month, when a merger between two of the biggest record companies in the business took place, allowing music from other countries into ours.
These actions did not come without sacrifices. Already losing two band members in the past, (Freddy Loser in a vicious knife fight outside a local club, and Dead End to malaria) Doughnuts in November had to be literally sneaked out of the country due to a public outcry of traitorism when they found out they were coming to America to record. The day before their 4 week burro ride across the border, the lead singer of DIN, Doug Dickens, almost was fatally wounded when an unknown assailant rigged his burrito with explosives. Fortunately, Doug was to busy pleasuring one of their numerous groupies and had skipped on lunch. The burrito detonated in his refridgerator and no one was injured. Another account saw their drummer, Astella Dios, with a three day hospital stay due to an attack from a moltov cocktail, which was dropped from a bridge while he was passing underneath in his camaro. The attacker was caught two days later by fellow band mates Finish Line and Maximum Buick, and was severly beaten. Courts ruled in DIN’s favor, and Finish and Maximum were let two with a paltry fine of 40 pesos and three hours of community service. The last, and most outrageous feat to stop the band was to their sole roadie, El Roadie Diablo Negro, from foreign dignitaries. While America and Mexico were discussing the merger, Europe, whom also wanted rights to DIN, invited El Roadie to an “all inclusive” vacation celebrating their success. However, upon arriving to Europe, El Roadie was quickly siezed and his four groupies (which is the standard number which accompany any member of DIN at all times) were shot on sight. Taken to a remote location, El Roadie was tortured within a mere fraction of his life for nearly four weeks for any information that would result in the inner colapse of the band. Standing fast, El Roadie endured hours of beatings, water torture, and starvation daily but never broke. He finally escaped after a clumsy guard forgot to re-tie one of his hands. El Roadie managed to untie himself and escape, but not before taking the lives of no less than 14 European guards, 3 horses, and 18 children.
Through much struggle comes much benifit however, as predictions claim that their album will be no doubt, the smash success of 2008 and possibly the first quarter of 2009. With a very grueling tour lined up of “at least 7 shows” next year, the album is expected to make the band 10’s of dollars. Stay tuned for further updates on the release of the album.
